Letters
of Appreciation from Friends
Remembering
Winafred
I’ve known Winafred Lucas since 1962 when I first met her as
a patient, then became her colleague and later, her friend. A friend
who had known her at City College suggested I see her because she
was someone with a reputation fir“understandint gay people,”
at a time when many therapists didn’t. Initially, she practiced
psychoanalysis, then as the times changed,Transcendental meditation,
journal therapy and group encounter, and finally, her own school of
Transpersonal psychology. She emerged from the psychology department
of UCLA along with othert refugees from W.W. II Europe—Hedda
Bolgar and Elizabeth Hooker, among others. These women role models
for a generation of therapists-- courageous, inquisitive, dedicated
and outspoken.
Winafred changed my life. She taught me first of all, that religion
should not restrict and punish its adherents and, if it did, you should
resign your membership. “What a lot of claptratp!” she
once said in a moment of exasperation. “Find your own way, Marilyn.
Don’t let others tell you what to think!” I listened,
found my own way, and eventually that path led to Unitarianism and
the freedom to think for myself.
Winafred lifted the burden of shame from my life in another sphere
as well. When other therapists insisted on “treating”
homosexuality, she was able to confirm same sex feelings and help
others such as myself sustain long and rewarding relationships. I’ve
been with my partner for 36 years and attribute our ability to weather
many crises to Winafred’s belief that we were entitled to a
strong and loving relationship every bit as much as “traditional”
couples are.
Winafred saw a larger vision of people than they often saw of themselves.
When I complained that I was feeling stuck in high school teaching,
she told me that I lacked imagination! I was indignant, so much so,
that I bought a ticket on the S.S.Bremen and sailed to Europe for
the summer where I wandered, encountered other people and their cultures
and, of course, learned more about myself. By the time I returned,
I knew that she had been right; my world had been too small. Shortly
thereafter, I went back to graduate school, became a Psychologist,
then a Professor in a medical school and a researcher. I experienced
a rich and rewarding professional life as a result of her insight,
patient nudging and constant encouragement.
As many of you know, Winafred also loved the solace of nature, finding
time for retreat and renewal in her beloved mountains. She shared
her home with many of us, letting us find the silence that would give
us inner peace and harmony. Some of us, such as myself, emulated her
love of nature by buying our own mountain retreats where we, too,
could enjoy long walks and closer association with our animals. “They
teach me so much,” she once said of her Salukis, who always
accompanied her in her explorations through the woods.
Winafred also encouraged me to become a writer. She believed in my
talent, my work, my possibility when others didn’t. She knew
from her own experience as a writer how lonely and discouraging the
work can be, but she insisted that I and others continue to write,
to paint, to sing and find joy in the arts, and we have.
Winafred was never content with the ordinary. She was courageous,
curious and restless in her search for new ideas. Her influence as
a therapist, mentor and teacher will long be felt and remembered by
the large numbers of us who carry her words, her optimism and energy
into our daily lives. Thank you, Winafred, for showing us by example
and instruction that we could be more than we imagined.
Marilyn
Mehr, Ph.D.
New York, NY
****
Dear
Afton,
Kay Blake called to tell me about your mother's passing. I am
so sorry to learn that you have lost her. She was such a strong
figure that it is hard to think of her as gone from us all. Thank
you so much for your thoughtfulness in getting out the word to us
across the country. I just looked at the website that Kay told
me about. The photo of Winafred is lovely; she was a unique
person and always much appreciated by the family. We always
admired her lively spirit and her unconventionality-something much
needed as a balance for our "strait and narrow" culture
in the Midwest. When Winafred returned from Europe full of enthusiasm
for hostels, she became particularly glamorous to my grandparents
and Aunt Jayne in the 1930s. She convinced my Grandpa Shover
that hostels were the wave of the future in travel and that, if we
were ready, our Monticello, Iowa farm could become a popular stopping
point for countless young people who would make their way across the
United States. Grandpa picked one of his less used barns a long
distance from the main house and had a very large fireplace built
in it for the travelers' evening social mixes. Should the idea
catch on, in central Iowa there is still a big barn with a huge stone
fireplace ready to handle any size crowd. I might add that,
because our family always praised both Aunt Jayne Shover Dickey and
Winafred as models for us girls, we always knew that women could be
independent and powerful and have interesting lives with a lot of
responsibility. And that was in the '50s!
Please extend my condolences to Doron and Blake, whom I enjoyed meeting
at last at Julian's service when Doron was a baby. When Doron
was in college I emailed him an invitation to stop at Chico for a
visit on his drives back and forth from home. I regret that
that never worked out, but as a college faculty member (newly retired)
I know that students always wrestle with time constraints.
I will keep you all in my thoughts on Saturday. She had quite a fine
life and her family was the best part of it.
Love,
Michele Shover (Granddaughter of Olive and Tom; daughter of Myric
and Corrine in case you don't recall me from your girlhood Iowa visit.)
